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You guys know I hate ghosting. I think it’s the worst and anyone who does it is a Level 1 asshole. Now, not to say that I haven’t done it....but I never said I wasn't an asshole. However, since starting this blog I have really made it a point not to ghost men. So what do you do instead of ghost them? You friend zone them.
The dreaded friend zone. Guys, I know you think this is the kiss of death...and 80% of the time, you're right. Sorry, but it's the truth. Girls think of the friend zone as a meadow with puppies, Starbucks and Uggs. It's a wonderful place, so why would anyone want to leave? TO GET LAID. No one gets laid in the friend zone. Unless you're doing a friends with benefits thing, and then more power to you.
So last night I had to send 3 friend zoning texts. One was a guy I met at a bar 2 years ago, who I ran into a couple weeks ago. Another guy I went on a date with 2 weeks ago. And the last was a guy I met on the plane last week. Now you're probably wondering "Allison, if you want a relationship why are you friend zoning nice guys?" Well I don’t have an answer for that. I am a strong believer of chemistry or vibes or whatever you wanna call it. But honestly, if I don’t want to make out with you within 30 minutes of meeting you, then we don’t have that *thing*.
The hardest part about friend zoning is the conversation. This is how ghosting started. Because we’re all too chicken shit to tell someone we don’t like them. No one ever wants to hear that they’re not funny enough, or attractive enough or whatever reason they’re not good enough to be your man. So instead we just started ignoring the person or even blocking them. I, on the other hand, make it very clear that you have been friend zoned.
I feel like this year I’ve been sending a lot more friend zone texts. Maybe it’s because I’m not going to settle for a sub-par relationship…so why string these men along? Or maybe it’s because I just don’t care anymore. If he truly doesn’t want to be friends then the likelihood of us seeing each other again is slim to none.
Some signs you'll never leave the friend zone: If they make out with another person within a foot of you If lay they in bed with you, but don't touch you If she ever talks about her period When the bartender asks if you're together or separate...and he says separate
So I sent all 3 friend zone texts at 5:58pm. And by 8pm I had only heard back from one guy. Not uncommon when being friend zoned. The thing about the friend zone is, for a guy, it's a pretty good place to be. If a guy likes a girl, the friend zone is a way not to lose her. As long as you’re not over eager, the friend zone could be a good place. Remember Monica and Chandler? HELLO. They started out as friends. Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher?! Perfection. Pam and Jim! C'Mon! Ron and Hermoine! Mic Drop.
I don’t think it’s that difficult to get out of the friend zone. Now, obviously, I can only speak for myself. But if you lay down the law about being in the friend zone and they catch feelings…that is definitely not your problem. But girls love having guy friends! My friends and I constantly talk about how we need more guy friends. Guys are normally less drama and have the tendencies to be more fun and spontaneous. We also want guy friends so we have someone to friend flirt with if there’s no one goo at the bar.
Guys…the friend zone is not your enemy. Some of the best relationships start out as friends. And maybe if you see her without rose colored, boyfriend glasses on…you’ll see that maybe she’s not the one for you.
But girls, if a guy friend zones you, you're fucked. Don't even try and get out. It's a black hole of sadness and desperation. If a guy just wants to be your friend....he’s either gay or he has someone else to sleep with. Or maybe he’s just not that it you. But regardless. Don't try and escape. It's not worth it, and neither is he.
Xoxo
Allison