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I was scrolling though Facebook the other day, mindlessly, as per usual. I came across a video which instantly caught my eye. It was about appreciation. Now I have always thought of myself as being an appreciative person. I always say thank you, and I try and to my best to let people know I care.
ap·pre·ci·a·tion
the recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something.
So, after looking back at certain situations…I realized I didn’t have appreciation, I had expectation. Ain’t that a bitch?! I expect things to happen instead of appreciating when they did. Sounds like 2 completely different things, right?
Recognition is the key word for me. How do we recognize when someone has done something good for us? It's simple. "Thank you."
I work at an amazing place. My boss is fantastic and so are my co-workers. When I first started here, though, I felt a huge lack of appreciation. I worked my ass off every day, going above and beyond but wasn’t getting anything in return. Kinda sucks, right? But I realized I wasn’t giving appreciation either. If someone handed me something, I grabbed it and got back to my work. I expected them to do their job, but didn’t show appreciation. So, I started saying thank you. Even if someone was doing their job, and I saw it, I would say thank you. And then a couple of my co-workers started saying it…and then my boss! And one of the best feelings in the world is when someone you admire shows appreciation for you.
Did you know one of the top reasons for divorce is because a partner doesn’t feel appreciated? I believe the other 2 were money and communication. I feel like communication ties into appreciation, but what do I know 😉
So how does expectation and appreciation tie into relationships?
I love a clean house. It makes me feel Ah-Ma-Zing when I come home to a clean place. Even if I spent 3 hours cleaning the night before, I don’t care. Coming home to clean closet, empty trash and zero dishes in the sink is my jam. But my absolute favorite thing is a made bed. My ex-husband never made the bed, did the dishes or did anything remotely helpful. So, when Philip would make the bed, I died. I would come home and be ecstatic when my bed was made, decorative pillows and all.
One day I came home and the bed wasn’t made, and I was pretty bummed. But no big deal, right? Next time bed was made…all was good. Until he didn’t make the bed again. And I got mad. I worked all day and he couldn’t make the bed? But guess what?! HE WORKED ALL DAY TOO.
I had started expecting my bed to be made when I got home, that I forgot to appreciate when he did. It was my bed! Why would I expect someone else, who doesn’t live there, to make the bed? If I had to guesstimate I’d say Philip made the bed 97 out of 100 times. I still can’t even believe I was upset over 3 times….3 fucking times.
But that’s what happens when we expect. We expect someone to be a certain way or do a certain thing, and then we forget to appreciate them. We expect our man to pay for dinner, but we stop saying thank you. Or you expect your woman to do all the laundry, but when you pull out your clean underwear, she doesn’t get a thank you. Do you think she’s gonna wanna keep cleaning your dirty drawers if you’re not going to appreciate it? Hell No.
I've planned things for friend, and not once received a thank you. I've taken friends with me on trips, never heard a whisper of appreciation. So ya know what I did? I stopped doing it.
If someone gave you a ten dollar bill every day for 1 month for doing something simple, and then stopped…would you appreciate the $300 you just made or would you think about the money you’re not getting the next month?
When someone appreciates you, you want to do more and more for that person. Regardless of what it is. You want to hear the “Oh my gosh, thank you! You’re amazing.” Or “Wow, I can’t believe you found time to do that for me.” When my boss says thank you, I work better and harder. It’s life. We don’t want to keep doing shit and not get a thank you.
In any type of relationship, appreciation + communication = Happy Life.
I’ve talked about how expectations are a relationship killer. But so is lack of appreciation.
Hopefully it won't be another month before we meet again.
Xoxo
Allison