Sliding Into the DM

I don’t think it’s any surprise that I love when guys DM me. Not because I think they are attractive or because I want to go out with them….it’s because the DM’s are so ridiculous I must share with the world.

The best thing about posting the ridiculousness is that it shows men that follow me just how terrible guys really are. Women already know the horrible messages we get, but I think some of the messages I've gotten can still be shocking.

If you don’t follow me on insta, you should….purely for these messages.

So I figured today I would dedicate a blog to the douche bags, crazies, and the desperate. This is a “how to” slide into the DM.

I want to preface this by saying that I very rarely think a man should slide into a DM. But *IF* you must it’s because:

You and the other person follow each other
She follows you but you don’t follow her (or him)
You have mutual friends

If you don’t fall into one of these categories then you should 100% reconsider sending that “whats up” DM.

If you do fall into one of those categories, however, please let the other person know you have some sort of connection to them. Otherwise, you look like just another crazy person.

And now for all the other guys who think you can DM a girl and it will end in sexy time and/or a relationship.

Most of the DM’s I get are from men who have seen me on Bumble. I love dating apps, and it's not because I'm meeting a ton of amazing men who sweep me off my feet.

When I’m on Bumble, I get about 40 DM’s a week for the first month or so. That is bananas. Most are bullshit messages like “hey” or “I like pizza too.” This may shock you but most American like pizza, so it’s not the unique.

What I still haven’t figured out is why do men think a DM is going to work? Did we match on Bumble? No. Ya know why? Because I don’t find you attractive or I don’t like something in your profile. Is that bitchy to say? Yes. Is it 100% truthful? Yes.

The first thing you notice while online dating is the picture right? The second thing is the bio. If you have shit photos and a shit bio, you’re not going to get very far. I wrote about this a year ago….your profile is everything.

If you don’t want to put any time and effort into your profile, well then you’re fucked. Unless you look like Brad Pitt or Ryan Reynolds, you won’t get very far without at least a few good pictures and a *good* bio. I won’t even swipe right to a guy with a blank profile. How hard is it to use your neurons to formulate 3 sentences? I like _______. I don’t like ______. I’m _____ feet tall. Copy and paste that folks, and you’re golden.

And before you say anything about listing your height……no one cares that you think girls are assholes for wanting to know how tall you are. Not a single person. Not even a little bit. If you’re so worried about not getting matches that you think writing “because apparently height matters” is gonna help...it wont. And you should definitely re-evalute being on an online dating app. Height matters. It matters to everyone. Even the girl that is 5’2 cares. Ya know why? Because girls don’t want to date a guy that worries about his height. I’m 5’11. That's really fucking tall for a woman. Hell it’s even tall for a guy! The average man is 5’9 and the average girl is 5’3-5’4. If I’m going on a date I am going to dress nice and wear high heels. And that means I’m probably going to be about 6’3. So if a guy doesn’t put a height down and he shows up to a date and is 5’8….neither one of us is going to be very happy.

Now I know what you’re going to say, “I don’t care about height” or “I'm confident enough to be with a taller woman.” Yet, not very many men have actually dated someone taller than them. So you can put that fake confidence in the trash.

And then there are the guys that lie about their height. Lawd have mercy. What do you think is going to happen? We’re going to fall in love with you from 3 days of messaging on Bumble and then not care when you show up to the date and you’re 5’10 instead of 6’1??? Guess what. We care. In my experience, men always add 2 inches….to everything. So if a guy says he’s 6ft…he’s usually pushing 5’10. Just be honest with us. We’re going to find out anyways. Would you rather us find out after the date where you’re dropping $100 for dinner with someone who might/probably ghost you? Or before the date so you can save your money and self respect?

OKAY, so back to DM’ing.

If, for some reason, you feel like you must send a stranger a message or you will combust, I have a couple of tips.

When sliding into the DM, do NOT have a private profile. I repeat, DO NOT have a private profile. If you didn’t match with a girl on a dating app, and the only photo she can see on your Instagram is less than an inch big, how is a girl supposed to what you actually look like?

If you’re going to slide into a DM say something clever. Say something unique. Say something most men wouldn’t say. The most common message I get is “whats your favorite pizza place?” Yes, it’s a good conversation starter but not when you’re competition is guys she actually liked and matched with on a dating app. Not only do you have to “sell” yourself better than all those guys, but you also have to beat out the other 100 guys that are trying to successfully slide into her DM’s.

Also, please steer clear from all things Facebook. I get the weirdest friend requests and it makes no sense. If you see a girl on a dating site, don't go find her Facebook. It's sad and borderline pathetic.

Lastly, don't send a weird picture. I actually don't like when guys send pictures at all. I always assume it's going to be a dick pic.

It's simple... DON'T BE CREEPY

If I respond to a DM, it's usually because the person sent something complimentary, didn't mention anything about meeting up or taking me on a date and we had a normal conversation. Those are the people that should be allowed to DM.

A normal conversation will most likely lead to a follow. And it snowballs from there.

So this blog ended up being part shitty profiles and part creepy DM's but you get the idea.

I would say good luck, but you don't need luck to avoid sending a creepy DM.

Xoxo

Allison